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Merri C. Roberson 09/28/51 - 11/01/2009 The strongest most selfless mother in the world. Rest in Peace. I can rest easy knowing that you are now able to look after us without limitations. I love you so much mom!
Music
Mom,
ReplyDeleteFor nearly 8 1/2 years since your tragic horse accident, I was the one at your side pushing you to fight for yourself, your situation. I was the one who had to play the" bad guy role" with all the tough love that was required in fighting for YOU. I was the one Krish and Jeremy came to for updates. I was the one who tried my best ( through all my own personal challenges and turmoil at times); to manage all that was going on around you and involving you. I remember so many times on the surface you lashed out at me for all of this and I kept going and kept going in the ongoing fight for YOU! I remember toward the end, I needed to walk away from the situation, from the role. I tried and it only lasted a few days. I tried again and it only lasted a week. I tried again and it only lasted 2 weeks. The final turning point for me, was when dad wigged out in front of my kids, his grand kids. All I was doing was relaying a message to him from Jeremy, as I often did for both Krish and Jeremy. I was the one who spoke up for you, for right from wrong, with out any hesitation and with out care of my status with the person!! After this turning point, I knew I had to back off and I knew it was time for Krish and Jeremy to step up and take over! It was never easy for me in the role I chose without hesitation!! But I am proud of all that I did for you, fighting for you, protecting you, being at your side all of those days, years, even if at times I was the last person you wanted at your side because of it. Toward the end you went out of your way to show me how sorry you were for all those times of lashing out at me and seeing me as the enemy!! Mom, you never had to feel bad or sorry!! I remember when Jeremy would do the same to you when he was very ill and you spent years fighting for his life and you too had to play that role and give tough love through it; at times!! In the end you showed me how much it meant for me to have fought so hard and so long for you!! This will forever mean the world to me!! I never ever turned my back on you!! I never ever gave up on you!! It took so long and so much and finally I knew for my own salvation as a mother myself, I had to back off and let Jeremy and Krish step in and take over that aspect. I remember going up to the hospital every day, every other day at the most. Seeing you every day, every other day at home. I remember being at your side every single time of near death and critical moments. It was never easy!! But I did it with great honor!! I owed it to you!! After all you did for us, for your family, all you sacrificed, all you did to save Jeremy's life!!!!
Of course I regret so much and could have done some aspects differently in ways!! But, I was pretty much the only one in so many ways, and I tried my best and handled things one step at a time, one day at a time, one occurrence at a time, one thing after another at a time. Now, the role I played and so many things that I had to do and some of the tough love, tears me apart, KILLS me inside!!!