(From Aimee) This VIVID dream or experience that continued through a 3 hour period!

I was awoken 5 times through out this period. I kept forcing myself back to sleep begging myself to go back to the scene. This lasted for 3 hrs and the reason I know this is because I kept setting the alarm. I had things to get done, but as I kept dreaming or whatever, I kept resetting alarm so I could go back to sleep. My final alarm went off, minutes before my kids were due home from school. I had to remain awake. So many different flashes, scenes, and switching back and forth. Here are a few scenes I remember vividly: In the hospital elevator, with an Indian Doctor, going up to the floor my mother was on. Through the video camera I see a bunch of medical staff picking my moms body up, her neck hung over with out brace, body all distorted. I screamed, NO! They are holding her all wrong! I remember medical staff thinking my sister had swine flu and she was admitted. I knew she didn’t have it, I was torn, I ran into her room and demanded immediate instant swab. Results were negative. I then ran back to my mother’s room. I then remember my mom on her hospital bed driving down a street. They had her sitting up slumped over, all wrong!! I shouted No, and demanded correct positioning laying flat. My brother and fiancé were in a van following behind. I first run up to speak with my brother regarding some big concerns I had, I then see my mom’s bed rolling down street too fast. I run to catch up. I jump on the bed with her. I then see huge balls coming out of her mouth, bigger then golf balls, smaller then tennis balls; they looked like large gob stoppers. I pulled one out, then another, and another; they kept coming. I then remember her with white sheet covering all of her. All of a sudden I am looking toward the bottom of her bed, a huge bright light, almost like a projector into the air. I see snapshots of pictures and video footage of us growing up; I see many of my mom and me and siblings, my Aunt Paula at one point, and Aunt Lynn and even our old babysitter-Leslie. Toward the end were many pictures of all 5 of her grandkids. All of the snaps of the grandkids were things that had not happened yet, their current age, I shouted out loud and knew this was real and couldn’t believe these pictures because they had not happened yet. Then I remember asking my mom if she knew she was dying. She replied kind of. I then said no, this can’t be real. I tried to save her. Then realized again she is dead. The last part I remember was me lying next to my sister in our old room I believe. I was looking up at the ceiling talking to my mother. The voices seemed hallow and echoed. Berlin came in a few times and I asked her to leave so I could continue this conversation. This seemed so real. It was so loud. I told mom, I had so many things to ask her. We reminisced about old times, hang man, all the writing shared between each other, I remember asking her if she knew she was dying, she replied kind of, again. There was so much more that I can’t remember, but this conversation seemed to be very long. I then knew our time was about to be over, so I rushed and kept repeating pleading for her to somehow come into Jeremy, Krishna, Kiara, Isaiah, Ronin, Berline and Marissa’s dreams. (Each time I meant to say Marissa, I said Merri, and then corrected myself with Marissa.) I kept repeating this, but I was very rushed because our conversation was closing.
I then immediately awoke to real life! I was in panic, I felt tingly, I felt exhausted and I had plenty of sleep. I shouted out, Chess, he said: what, I asked him if he had been awake. He said, no. He just looked at me confused as to what was wrong, or what happened. I needed silence for a few, I couldn’t talk. He went to door to smoke cigarette in same room. He went to speak; I was very startled and still couldn’t talk yet. I have had many vivid dreams in my life. I have occasionally gone back to the same dream. I have even had very vivid dreamlike state of mind when your almost asleep, in the in-between state and had some very indescribable things happen. Screaming but not being heard, seeing the exact area you are in, trying to lift your arm up but nothing happens, hearing the sound of wind pass you by, once while I was asleep next to the mirror on my bed, I saw myself when all this occurred. I have woken up disturbed before. BUT NEVER, AND I MEAN NEVER HAVE I WOKEN UP FEELING THIS WAY. FEELING SO DRAINED, WORDS CAN NOT EXPLAIN how drained I FELT!! I told Chess of it, called my sister, crying hysterically as I described the chain of events. I don’t truly know if this was just that a dream, or if this was an experience.

More Pics of our sweet mom and family

Merry Christmas Mom, we love you!

Mom before the horse accident 10 years ago.

Mom and Me

I'm so happy mom got to come to our Engagement Party.

Celebration of Life Service Photo's

A funny story to share

When I was in high school, mom beat me at arm wrestling. After that loss, I really started working out my shoulders and forearms. After a few months, I was able to beat her. Although, I still suspect she let me win.

Some Photo's of Mom

Celebration of Life Update

Mom's Celebration of Life service will be held on Monday, November 9, 2009 at the LDS Church at 2715 E. Ocotillo Rd, Queen Creek, Az 85140. The service will start at 10AM.

A small lunch will be at my house after mom's Celebration of Life Service. Those attending will then proceed to Green Acres.

Mom will be laid to rest at Green Acres Cemetery at 401 North Hayden Road, Scottsdale, Az 85257. She will be placed very close to her brother.

Private viewing will be at 2PM in a small family room. This will be open casket. At 2:30PM mom will be taken to her crypt for final goodbyes.

Mom's Obituary

Mom's Guest Book

A poem written by my mother when she was younger

Please....Hear What I'm NOT Saying

Don't be fooled by me. Don't be fooled by the mask I wear. For I wear a mask, I wear a thousand masks, masks that I'm afraid to take off, and none of them is me. Pretending is an art that is second nature with me, but don't be fooled; for God's sake, don't be fooled. I give the impression that I'm secure, that all is sunny and unruffled with me, within as well as without; that confidence is my name and coolness is my game; that the waters are calm and that I'm in command and I need no one. But don't believe it; please don't. My surface may seem smooth, but my surface is my mask, my ever-varying and ever-concealing mask. Beneath lies no smugness, no coolness, no complacence. Beneath dwells the real me, in confusion, in fear, in loneliness. But I hide this; I don't want anybody to know it. I panic at the thought of my weakness being exposed. That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind, a nonchalant sophisticated facade to help me pretend, to shield me from the glance that knows. But such a glance is precisely my salvation. My only salvation. And I know it. It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself, from my own self-built prison walls, from the barriers that I so painstakingly erect. But I don't tell you this. I don't dare. I'm afraid to. I'm afraid your glance will not be followed by love and acceptance. I'm afraid that you will think less of me, that you'll laugh, and your laugh will kill me. I'm afraid that deep down inside I'm nothing, that I'm just no good, and that you'll see and reject me. So I play my games, my desperate, pretending games, with a facade of assurance on the outside and a trembling child within. And so begins the parade of masks, the glittering but empty parade of masks. And my life becomes a front. So when I'm going through my routine, don't be fooled by what I'm saying. Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm NOT saying; what I'd like to be able to say; what, for survival, I need to say but I can't say. I dislike the hiding. Honestly I do. I dislike the superficial phony games I'm playing. I'd really like to be genuine, spontaneous, and me; but you have to help me. you have to help me by holding out your hand, even when that's the last thing I seem to want or need. Each time you are kind and gentle and encouraging, each time you try to understand because you really care, my heart begins to grow wings. Very small wings. Very feeble wings. But wings. With your sensitivity and sympathy and your power of understanding, I can make it. You can breath life into me. I want you to know that. I want you to know how important you are to me, how you can be a creator of the person that is me if you choose to. Only you can wipe away from my eyes the blank stares of the breathing dead. Please choose to. You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble; you alone can remove the mask; you alone can release me from my shadow world of panic and uncertainty, from my lonely prison. So do not pass me by. Please do not pass me by. It will not be easy for you. A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls. The nearer you approach me, the blinder I may strike back. It's irrational, but despite what the books say about man, I'm irrational. But I'm told that love is stronger than the strongest walls, and there lies my only hope. Please try to beat down those walls with firm hands, but with gentle hands, for a child is very sensitive, and I am a child.

Written by: Merri Roberson

Celebration of Life

Mom's Celebration of Life service will be held on Monday, November 9, 2009 at the LDS Church at 2715 E. Ocotillo Rd, Queen Creek, Az 85140. The service will start at 10AM.