2021 Happy Birthday Mommy

My Dearest Mom/Mommy, 

I know where you are and this helps bring me comfort…

I know your with ALL of US simultaneously, always and this helps bring me comfort… 

I still struggle with this loss and always will. Especially the tragic details behind it, that I witnessed intricately. Going on 12 years-I’ve come so far. Still feels surreal at times. 

If only it could have been a peaceful natural passing. I’ve learned to pray for this and hope for this anytime I hear of someone else’s loss🙏🏼

We celebrate you everyday Mommy, always will🥰 

Happy Birthday in Heaven💞

Love always,

Your PT, Sunshine, AJ ☀️

12/2/2020

Oh Mom, I’m having a hard moment. I’ve held so much inside, trying to be strong for all that’s on my plate, trying to stay focused. Tonight I had a good healthy moment to my self. I had to let so much pain and heartbreak out. I miss you so much, I just want to hug you, I want to hold you, I want a hug from you. I held my pillow so tightly imagining it was you. I imagined you holding me back so tightly. I’m so sorry for what we both had to endure. I’m so sorry I wasn’t able to protect you. I’m so sorry I was all alone. I tried so hard to protect you. I thank God I got to be at your side those 7 days! I know your in Heaven, I now know Heaven is for real. I thank God for this, this brings me some comfort. I promise I will let it out more often, so it doesn’t build up. 

I pray so deeply that this blog stays up forever and nothing happens to it. After we’ve all passed, for your grandkids and theirs.

You were and are so deeply loved!! More then you ever knew on earth and that breaks my heart too. But I find comfort knowing you now finally know and that your watching over all of us and you get to be with us all at once and always🥺💔🙏🏼😇

11 years..

 https://youtu.be/zCvgXw-Bh04

11 years later- I can now think of you often with basic thoughts-but that’s it! And I thank God repeatedly for how far I’ve come. I still have to check the invasive-intrusive-memories and details that occasionally try and sneak in-which debilitate my heart. 

I miss you and love you with every breath I take, every heartbeat💝💝💝 Heart&Soul, Together Forever; Earth & in Heaven😇

Your Sunshine, Your PT, Your Tall Person, Your Pootie Tootie, Your AJ

11 Years

Mommy, here we go with another year. 11 years to be exact💔... We’ve come so far from that brutal day🙏🏼. I thank the Lord continuously for OUR survival from the tragic 7 days😇. You moved mountains for your children..You touched so many people...You inspired so many more...and You never truly knew how special & amazing you were...So humble, kind, compassionate, passionate, modest... I could I go❣️ You always were and will be OUR light.... OUR shining star🌟 

You taught me how to be the most amazing mom, (which includes mistakes and growth along the way). This is the greatest gift you have given me. My pride and joy, my every breath and beat; just like it was yours💕 You taught me how to love unconditionally...💓

You are my hero❣️

Xmas was everything to YOU and our family and we carry on that torch. 

Today- instead of this date being so tragic; we will begin a new tradition of Xmas decorating on the 1st of every November. With the spirit of YOU💖

Happy Birthday Mommy

 I miss you with every breath I take❣️ I know your spirit is with us and knowing Heaven is For Real- gives me comfort❣️

10 years today💔🤢🙏🏼😇

Nov 1st- is officially here-10 years💔.

Doesn’t seem real that it’s been this long🥺.

I know your at peace and with our loved ones💓. 

And waiting for all of us to run into your arms- as if time has never passed and when we are all whole again❣️ 

Heaven is for real and this gives me comfort. No other place I would have rather been- then at your side those 7 tragic days- as wounded as we both got. I’d do it again in a heartbeat❣️

So thankful God blessed us with finding your sister, our Aunt Susan🦋🌸🙏🏼💓 

She is the closest thing we have to you and your both nearly identical twins⭐️❣️I can’t wait for you to meet her too. I know you already have through us and vice versa💓❣️https://youtu.be/zCvgXw-Bh04

2019

Oh Mom- so much has transpired. I had to focus the past 4 years on saving my baby girl. More so the past 8 months. This has definitely consumed my time and energy. And with no regrets! As you never did!!

She is thriving again and has a new appreciation on life and family. I get snuggles through out the day, holding hands, I love you’s, climbing into bed like I used to do with you. I’m soaking every moment of it in. I cherish every moment. 

I thank God over and over that We survived it! That she is with us and has a 2nd chance at life- as she deserves!! And that beyond- we are thriving again. Baby boy got his diploma early and is working. He may want to do forest fire fighting. I know you have so much to be proud of in all of us. 

I’m now able to think of you more often and not be consumed in those horrific details we both endured together.

We are nearing 10 years! I can’t believe it!!! So much has happened since you went to Heaven. I’m so glad your in Heaven and I now know how real it is. This provides me with so much peace. And I don’t fear death like before. I just pray our passings can be peaceful. Our family has endured too much tragedy. This is my prayer for death when it’s our time. And I pray I am around as long as possible- as my kids NEED Me!

As we always needed you!

I thank God over and over for Aunt Susan! She is the closest thing we have to you!! I know you will be waiting at the heavenly gates to wrap her in your arms. She has grown to know you through all of us and wow you guys are like twins in so many ways! Breaks her heart she didn’t get the chance to know you while on earth. Stupid adoption laws!  But she now knows you through our hearts and