The DAYS are CLOSING IN!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Your story over a period of 11 years: the battles you were left to fight pretty much alone, everyone who abandoned you at your worst, all the wrong that was done, all the continued tragedy, all that was stripped away one by one; has gone UNHEARD, SO OVERLOOKED!!! I will forever keep your story ALIVE!!! The heroic life that you led and the TRAGEDY that took over and consumed your LIFE, ultimately ripping your life right beneath you, us, our family, the rest of our life!!! You didn't even know it. I didn't eve know it, and because of this, we never got to SAY ALL THAT WE WOULD WANNA SAY, NOT EVEN OUR GOODBYE'S!!!

I will never allow YOU or YOUR STORY to be forgotten, overlooked, UNHEARD!!!


You are WORTHY!!

You are deeply needed!!

Deeply loved!!!!

You are AMAZING!!

The most selfless person I know!!!

You are SOMEBODY SPECIAL!!!

You have impacted all of our lives, touched all of our lives in sooo many ways, words simply can't describe!!!

We wanna believe... we are trying to believe...

One more dance with you, Mama!!

Oh my heart bleeds and continues to bleed!!!! IN THE ARMS OF AN ANGEL

11 months to date. In Merri's NAME! 10/26-11/1, will be painfully difficult!! I was at her side the entire 7 days, all but twice to see my babies, who had never been away from mommy that long!!
One particular night I will forever regret that my ride had picked me up and then was informed that the other shift was not going to be staying the night, one single night, a night that could have protected her from this part alone. My gut feeling knew, and all I could do was express it; as I tried so hard to find a ride back up.
So, painstakingly this night; she was forced to be alone, and this night alone broke her, added dire pain and agony to her, from more medical fuck ups; and she was helplessly all alone, couldn't even call one of us, couldn't see to call even if she had a phone nearby!! Couldn't even see to push nurse button, to get their attention, or in need of help.
RAGE!!!

Happy Birthday MOMMY!!!

I remember your bday last year, how special it was! We brought the party to you! You lit up the room, even though inside you were “sick in tired of being sick in tired”. We played phase ten, even though you could hardly see the cards. We laughed, we loved, we shared our time together, the whole fambam!!!

This moment got cut short, and the look in your eyes broke all of our hearts. My heart breaks a mill times that I didn’t have my car at this time and that I had to rely on someone else to get us home and because of this, this special moment had to be cut short and rushed You didn’t want us to stop the game, you didn't want the night to end so soon, you were surrounded by attention and love and care!!! Compared to your prison of lonliness stuck in a room staring into space, watching tv, but barely being able to see, more so listening to tv, not knowing the hours and days from each other. We had no idea this would be our last BDAY with you!!

You deserved so much better, so much more!!! None of it is right!!! You would have never turned your back on the ones you loved!!! You would have never been to busy!!! You would have never felt inconvenienced!!!!

RAGE, RAGE, RAGE!!! DIRE PAIN, DIRE AGONY, DIRE HAUNTING!!!!!

FOR MY OWN SALVATION, I BATTLE EVERY SINGLE DAY TO TRY AND SET THE RAGE FREE AND TRY AND FIND ANY BITS AND PIECES OF HEALING!! THERE CAN NEVER BE PEACE OR CLOSURE!!! BUT I AM DESPERATE FOR ANY BITS AND PIECES OF!!!!

...Mom

Dearest Mom,